Twenty Five
by grayout
Summary: [One—shot] [Rude—centric] Rude's parents decide to give him a call on his birthday. Tiny MxM warning for the end.


**

* * *

**

-

Twenty-Five

-

* * *

-

Just as he was about to pull the trigger, his cell phone rang.

Lowering his gun and reaching into his pocket, Rude raised a polite hand in apology to his bound up, gagged, and handcuffed target and flipped his ShinRa phone open, bringing it to his ear.

Silence.

Then, the sound of a cell phone ringing again.

But if it wasn't ShinRa, then—

Rude felt a cold dread sink into his stomach as he reached for his other phone, the one stashed away deep within his jacket. Closing the first and opening up the second, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and took the call.

"…yeah."

"Hap—_Rude_!" A female voice exclaimed immediately. "Rude. _How_ many times have I told you to be polite on the phone?"

Rude grit his teeth.

"Well?"

A flat, grating monotone. "Hel-lo, mother. How-are-you."

A satisfied "hmph" sounded in his ear, followed by a rapid stream of words. "Well, I was just calling you to tell you Happy Birthday, honey. I sent you a box of warm socks—"

"I know, mom."

"I've been asking around and everyone says those offices get cold, and you know I worry about you and I'm sure working for ShinRa gets very stressful, with all the paperwork and deadlines and—"

"_Mom_."

"Oh, but I'm so _proud_ of you! Just the other day the new neighbors stopped by for tea and they were quite impressed! 'Practically an executive!' I said—"

"_Mom_."

"Oh, and Lela! Remember Lela? Of course you do. Well, she came back to Wutai to visit last week, and she came by hoping to see you! Isn't that cute? Remember when she wrote you those cute little love notes in high schoo—"

"_Mom_!"

"Oh! Have I called at a bad time?"

Rude glanced down at the struggling ShinRa scientist by his feet, sighed, and shook his head. "No—"

"Oh, good! I was worried, since you seemed busy—and Rude! You haven't called in weeks! And you know I worry about you—"

"Mom. I'm fine."

"So tell me how things are going! How's work? I know I tell you this all the time, but I'd never have imagined by little boy growing up and becoming a businessman—"

"Everything's _fine_."

"Are you eating healthy? Keeping safe? You know Midgar is dangerous and—"

"_Yes_, Mom."

"Oh. Well… oh! Here's your father now—hold on—"

"No—mom—!"

Rude clapped an aggravated hand to his forehead and looked down helplessly at the ShinRa scientist, stifling a growl of frustration deep in his throat. Of all the times to call…

"Rude! How's my boy?"

Rude twitched, forcing his teeth apart enough to speak again. "Fine, Dad."

"Found a woman yet?"

Groan. "_Dad_."

"Hahaha, just askin'. You know how all those girls in high school used to—"

"Yes, Dad."

"And Lela just came by last week—"

"_Yes_, Dad."

"It's been real quiet around here since you left for Midgar. But really, any ladies?"

"_Dad_."

"You're not into _men_, are you?"

A slight flush rose in Rude's cheeks. "Look, Dad—"

"Hahaha, just kiddin'. Maybe. I've been meaning to ask you about that. Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with whatever makes you happy, son. But I remember catching you in your room one time with… well, you know, on the computer—"

"_DAD_—"

"Hey, Kayla's home from school! Kayla! Come say Happy Birthday to your big brother—"

"No—dammit—!"

Rude pulled the phone from his ear, blocking the mouthpiece and launching into a soft stream of curses that had the ShinRa scientist wide-eyed in awe. Wide-eyed in awe for a few seconds, at least, before he burst into hysterical giggles.

Rude promptly shot him in the leg.

"Rude?" His mother again. "What was _that_? Is that someone _screaming_?"

"Car backfired. Pop music."

"Oh. You boys and your music… it really just sounds like someone… Kayla! You get back down here right now! It's your brother's birthday! You could at least say hello—!"

Rude winced slightly as the sound of a door slamming broke even over the scientist's screams.

"Um… Well. Kayla says she's too tired from school, but to wish you a Happy Birthday from her, anyway."

A sigh, possibly of relief. "Sure."

"Can you believe it? She'll be a freshman in high school next year! And she was only in third grade when you left…"

Then there was a short pause, filled only by the muffled agony of the wounded man and a few quiet sniffles from his mother.

"Oh… my boy's all grown up… twenty-five… oh, I wish I were there to see it…"

Rude glanced down, inching away from the thrashing, screaming scientist as the puddle of blood beneath his leg began to spread toward his shoes. "Yeah. Sure. Me too."

"Well… I know it's rather early for you over there and you're probably going to be rushing off to work soon, so… have a great day today, okay? Stay safe… and come visit soon, honey! You know how much we all miss you."

"Sure."

"Drive safe! Seat belts! Look both ways!"

"_Mom_."

"I know, I know. Love you!"

"Sure." Rude coughed. "Love you too."

He waited for his mother to hang up before hanging up himself and tucking the phone back into his jacket pocket. The scientist stared up at him with wide, pleading eyes, beginning to mumble something about family. Rude just shrugged, knelt,

"Sorry for the delay."

and shot him through the ear.

_Finally._

When he emerged from the building several minutes later, Reno was sitting impatiently on the hood of his car, idly twirling his EMR and kicking his legs. Upon catching sight of Rude, he hopped to his feet, immediately beginning to complain.

"Rude! Fuck! What took you so long?"

He twitched. "Uh. Talk."

"To _who_?" Reno rolled his eyes. "The _dead_ guy?"

"…maybe."

Reno just gave him an odd look, then just shook his head, sighing. "Come _on_. I was starving out here."

"Right."

Reno waited for Rude to start walking to the other side before climbing into the back seat of the car, slamming the door behind him and stretching out his legs. As Rude started up the engine, he sat up again, leaning forward between the two front seats.

"But hey, isn't it like, your birthday today, or somethin'?"

Rude twitched again, half in surprise and half in annoyance that Reno had remembered, then nodded once. "Sure."

"Oh, come on. Is it or isn't it? Birthday! Seriously."

"Yeah." Rude shook his head. "Whatever."

"Well, then." Soft lips brushed against the side of his cheek for one brief second. "Happy Birthday, man."

Rude froze in his seat.

"But…" Reno said after a short pause, scratching at his nose. "Y'know…"

Rude forced himself to stare straight ahead, keeping his voice level. "What."

"How come you got like thirty pairs of knitted socks in your trunk?"

Then, the only sound that filled the air around them was the blaring of the car's horn as Rude smashed his forehead into the wheel.

* * *

Fin.

* * *


End file.
